Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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