The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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