Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the day after is always just damage control
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
