I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize