I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
