I need help removing her.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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