i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
