You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
