Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
