hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
