Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
