she kept yelling 'call me bella'
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
