My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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