there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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