i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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