dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Acid is not a monday night drug
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
