When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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