i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
