She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
