I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
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