So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
