Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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