strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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