He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
