Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
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the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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