Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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