4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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