there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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