You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
