sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
