I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
