i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
