I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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