He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
