he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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