...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Ketchup is God's man juice
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Bring me that man meat
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
