we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
