I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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