I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
