Your face is a jimmy john
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
