you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
