the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
