Jerry, you need to find god
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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