Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
