I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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