She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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