im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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