I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
