uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am midnight drunk by noon
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
