He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
