I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize