i need an iv and a liver transplant
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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