why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
