Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
