Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
