dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize