I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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