So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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