anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
