R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
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She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
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The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it