Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf